Today is August 3rd, 2018.  Nearly 35 years ago to date I experienced an unmanageable life crisis resulting in an exasperation of childhood clinical depression.  Between then and this writing, I self-diagnosed with clinical depression.  Medication worked for seven years then I ‘crashed’ (hear unmanageable) when the bottom fell out of the meds.  Big time!  Due to the inability to cope at work, I lost my most loved full-time position.  With part-time work I functioned with a little more success.  18 months later, I ‘crashed’ again, resulting in hospitalization.

On the floor of a bathroom, curled into a fetal position, I heard, “Look up.”  Only with a prompting beyond myself could I pray; ‘Lord, if you are there, there is nothing in me that wants to take another breath, but I cannot stop myself from breathing.  Not the love of my husband or my children matters.  (This was really scary.)  If I am to do life, you will have to do life in me.  I am so done.’

And my God did just that.  I now walk free from, not only depression, but bi-polar spectrum, anxiety, and PTSD.  I look back on the long spiritual walk of learning to do life differently.  I look back at what I’ve ‘mucked’ through, and in and out of by the grace of God.  I celebrate today that God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

If it all looks dark today, confusion beyond comprehension and despair beyond hope, I say, ‘Look up.’


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